helluhyearzold!

    i used to think about you every second of everyday. it sucked because i knew every minute you were on my mind, some other girl was on yours. the time i spent with you was basically the happiest i can remember being, even if i didn’t seem like i had fun. i hate what you think of me. i hate that we don’t have special inside jokes. the things you tell me and ask me and make me laugh about, are the same things that you talk about with every other girl. maybe I’m too jealous, but every girl just wants to feel special. it sucks so bad that you barely remember me. i know that when i walk by you, you take it as nothing. but when i walk by you, it basically brightens up my day times a million. every time you touch me i swear i wish i could just freeze that moment. i love the memories i have. but i bet you don’t remember half of them. i remember all of it. just thinking of you makes me smile. your the person who can give me eternal butterflies. but sadly they are starting to go away. because its been so long since i’ve actually had a conversation with you. i miss you so much. i know if you called me i would basically melt, and you would be on my mind all the time, again. and i just don’t know what to do anymore. should i avoid you so that i can get through the day without getting distracted? or should i just give in, and go after you like never before. its hard to open up and not be shy, but i could go for it. i know its the best feeling in the world but is it really worth feeling rejected and like you don’t even care. because i know i cant count on you towards anything. and i cant even talk to you. i stare at my computer all day wanting you to come online so badly. and every time my phone goes off, i always wish it would be you, but it never is.
    if only you knew, but then again that would just ruin everything that we've ever had. but even THAT'S not much. how much do i really even know about you? and vice versa? we're so close yet so far away. i just wish it could be different. would it really be that "weird" for you if you knew? it's not like that information would affect anything, unless you wanted it to. i don't wanna give you TOO much power but it'd be up to you whether or not you would want to do anything with what i told you. what i'm telling you. you'll never see this, you'll never know. maybe things should just stay that way. this really puts a strain on our friendship. i need to stop doing this, falling for every guy best friend i've ever had. how pathetic. this will just be another suppressed emotion. after all, it's for the best, right..?